The iron hand of Götz von Berlichingen (1480-1562), a knight and mercenary who lost his right arm in a siege [640×360]
points about this
-it was shot off by a cannon
-he continued being a knight for over 40 years after getting the iron hand
-it was delicate enough he could still write with a quill using it, which is important as he was described as a ‘warrior poet’
-after a merchant-punching life suitable for an elder scrolls protagonist he was outlawed by the holy roman empire, friends of his used a high diplomacy roll and a bribe to get him out, and he then almost immediately kidnapped a bishop
-after outlaw of the holy roman empire 2 electric boogaloo was placed under house arrest in a castle he had purchased with all his quest rewards to spend the next 20 years drunk off his ass
I can’t believe you’d make this post and not mention that his poetry contains the first known usage of the phrase “lick my ass”
with new pictures of Hayden Christensen floating around I keep seeing people saying ‘imagine if Anakin didn’t turn bad, the biggest problem for Luke and Leia would be that their dad is a dilf and all their friends swoon over him when he comes to pick them up from school’
and yes of course that’s valid because Anakin would absolutely be casually leaning against his modified speeder with sunglasses on dressed in black like a model but please imagine the twins getting horrified by their friends drooling over him and going “dad you’re not allowed to show your face at school now, mom will come pick us up” but HAVE YOU SEEN RECENT PICTURES OF NATALIE PORTMAN?
the twins have zero ideas how hot their parents are, they’re just their lame parents, they don’t realise that their mom has the face of Natalie Portman and the second their friends see her they’re like “your father is a dilf and your mother is a former queen and the nicest AND hottest milf in the galaxy?? you guys are so lucky”
Leia is traumatised and almost shaking, saying, “this is the worst. I can’t believe our parents are….” She makes a horrible gagging sound. “…Hot.”
“I know, I can’t believe it either,” Luke groans.
“Next time we’ll ask Obi-Wan to come pick us up.”
“Oh good idea! It’s not like anyone would find old uncle Ben hot!”
i think star trek should write an in universe reason why some series don’t have swearing and some do. make it a universal translator glitch or something.
the captain of each ship can turn the swears on or off when they want to
Kirk would have kept the swears on but any ship carrying Dr. Leonard McCoy is required by Starfleet regulations to turn them off
[Image description: a set of tumblr tags that say “#the tags from op are hilarious #spock gets briefly placed on a ship where the cursing is turned on and it turns out he’s been cursing like a sailor this entire time. #’fascinating’ is the universal translator’s way of making ‘fucking nuts dude’ starship appropriate #turns out when the translator says ‘illogical’ spock is actually saying something more like #‘your asshole and brain are indistinguishable from one another. do you really fucking need me to explain this you illiterate piece of shit’ #i cannot decide which would be funnier: if it turns out all vulcans talk like that actually #or just spock. #star trek #tos.”
Followed by a screencap from Star Trek: The Original Series showing Spock raising an eyebrow, it is captioned in all caps, “Fucking Nuts Dude.”
“If I had time travel I’d kill Hitler” “If I had time travel I’d stop my favourite politician getting assassinated” you’re all thinking way too small. If I had time travel I’d stop Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin from dying on the moon due to Soviet sabotage, kicking off the Great Nuclear War and devastating half of the planet.
As a person who is dying for book recommendations: What is a book you picked up randomly that you heard nothing about previously that blew you away?
I feel like we all have at least one hidden gem we stumbled upon.
Please reblog with your books in the tags :)
I happened to pick up “The Beekeeper’s Apprentice” by Laurie R King at a used book store and absolutely loved it. It is one of those books where the narrator felt like an old friend from the first page.
Found another idiotic accounting mistake from my predecessor that I have to fix and I was like “WILL THE SPECTER OF THAT MAN’S INCOMPETENCE EVER CEASE TO HAUNT ME” and my coworker was like “Why do you talk like that”
If I were rich here’s what I’d do with my free time okay
Mermaid pranks
Let me explain. So, I’d get one of those super fancy mermaid tails, like those sick as hell silicone ones that has the super long thick tail that uses like, toe pullies and stuff to make the fins move in cool and impossible ways. like this
And I would go all fucking out on this fit okay. We’re talking diving lessons until I can hold my breath for 7 minutes and go deep as fuck. Long hair, starfish, scales up to my tits, those funky contacts that make it so you can see under water, all of it- everything I could to make myself look as “thing of the deep but hot” as possible.
Then, I’d go get some shiny valuable rocks. Pearls, Uncut gems, like super fuck’n nice ones like diamonds and shit, and ofc some gold coins. Then I’d dawn my mermaid fit and hit public waterways. Rivers, beys, lakes, places where people are around and might be swimming, but where I’m not gonna die via boat propeller, and not super crowded areas where a lot of people are swimming.
Then I just prank people by poking my head out of the water and surprising them, then I motion them closer and reach into my hair or satchel or something and give them a fucking emerald, smiling all big the whole time then I just- swim the fuck away.
What the fuck they gonna do now!? Keep it as a fun memory of that time a fuck’n mermaid larper gave them a shiny rock? Never know it’s actually valuable? Or do they take it to a jeweler and find out it’s real? How the fuck are they gonna explain that. They gonna tell the jeweler a fuck’n mermaid gave it to them?! I think the fuck not.
Gonna pop up at the peir and smile at people and give gold coins to whoever stops. Kids are gonna freak. Put a little wonder back in the world. Flirt with pretty girls. Swim down rivers, pop up and surprise some old lady sitting by the water and give her an uncut diamond then swim away without a word.
Get a reputation as the weird lesbian mermaid who gives out precious gems and never speaks then suddenly stop without warning for like three years to give people time to forget me then do it all again.
If it’s a kid, and only the kid has seen you, act horrified that you’ve been found.
Beg them to keep you a secret, and give them the jewel/coin in exchange.
i swear to god ultra rich people are so fucking boring with their mansions and yachts. ThiS is what i wanna see in the world. Where are the superheroes? The masquerade balls? WHO is gonna invent real farie wings that let you fly??
y'all heard tumblr user andromeda3116, make me rich!
I saw a post saying that Boromir looked too scruffy in FotR for a Captain of Gondor, and I tried to move on, but I’m hyperfixating. Has anyone ever solo backpacked? I have. By the end, not only did I look like shit, but by day two I was talking to myself. On another occasion I did fourteen days’ backcountry as the lone woman in a group of twelve men, no showers, no deodorant, and brother, by the end of that we were all EXTREMELY feral. You think we looked like heirs to the throne of anywhere? We were thirteen wolverines in ripstop.
My boy Boromir? Spent FOUR MONTHS in the wilderness! Alone! No roads! High floods! His horse died! I’m amazed he showed up to Imladris wearing clothes, let alone with a decent haircut. I’m fully convinced that he left Gondor looking like Richard Sharpe being presented to the Prince Regent in 1813
*electric guitar riff*
And then rocked up to Imladris a hundred ten days later like
Some people have been wondering about the raccoon. Listen. Listennn. Don’t ask about the raccoon.
But does the racoon survive the Uruk-Hai? Does he curl up on Aragorn’s head, or does he go straight to Faramir? Does he bite Denethor?
My friend. My colleague. My brother my captain my king. I too have been pondering this question, and in my mind there can be only one ultimate outcome.
A few months later
All hail the High Warden of Gondor.
Epilogue: It ADORES Faramir.
I’m going to wear this on my head like a raccoon and show everyone
![fuckaspunk:
“ brunhiddensmusings:
“ historyarchaeologyartefacts:
“The iron hand of Götz von Berlichingen (1480-1562), a knight and mercenary who lost his right arm in a siege [640×360]
”
points about this
-it was shot off by a cannon
-he continued...](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9a3e35a8094f714a93e7f0a6ed9edf98/tumblr_po8j6eY8Te1vx1np0o1_500.jpg)
